No, Hakeem Olajuwon isn't making his 5-minutes a night triumphant return, and yes, we really are still stuck with Loren Woods. Rockets fans will just have to settle for the unveiling of Hakeem's monument later this month.

The ESBN report started off the day, followed by news of an afternoon press conference. The press conference photo? You might have noticed that was probably the cheapest suit Hakeem has worn since he was 18.

I turned to Photoshop to aid the story a bit, using a snapshot from a Luis Scola press conference and an Hakeem mug shot from the past few years. Darken Scola's hands, make him taller, broaden his shoulders, take out last year's "LIVE IT" slogan in the background and, of course, give him a new head -- voila, there you have it.

It could have been worse: One idea was to say Yao Ming was still done with the Rockets this season, but photos had just leaked out of him back practicing with the Chinese National Team.

Here is the April Fools joke history at ClutchFans:

• April 1, 2008: Olajuwon expected to announce return
• April 1, 2006: Ryan Bowen signs multi-year contract extension
• April 1, 2005: No Joke (But Tracy McGrady looks good in an Astros uniform)
• April 1, 2004: Rockets Activate Patrick Ewing
• April 1, 2003: Broken Collarbone Ends Yao Ming's Season
• April 1, 2002: Francis Rips Houston, Wants to Return Home to East
• April 1, 2001: Rudy T headed to Michigan, Swoopes considering NBA stint with Rockets
• April 1, 2000: NBA revises 50 Greatest List, removes Hakeem
• April 1, 1999: clutchcity.net: Your San Antonio Spurs Fan Information Source
• April 1, 1998: Report: Olajuwon to retire, may follow Drexler to UH
• April 1, 1997: Tomjanovich, Rockets set to part ways